Wedding II

I have been cryptic in my tweets this past weekend because I did not feel like having my house broken into by Twitter-savvy burglars. But now that the weekend is long past, I can say that I have spend that weekend in the Calumet region attending the wedding of my niece Sara.

Calumet was too far for a day trip, so I had to arrange a stay at a hotel. My sister the teacher recommended the Holiday Inn Express in Valparaiso. The room was very nice, even if it reminded me of the room where Madre had to stay during her recovery last year. The room was spotless; the bed was soft; the shower was nice (once I figured out how to work it); and the breakfast of bacon and scrambled eggs was delicious. I myself recommend the place.

The wedding itself was, well, I don't know. I had good memories of the wedding of my niece Staci a couple of years ago, despite the runny nose due to the dirty air, and despite that all everyone else remembers were the drunks. That wedding was well-organized. This wedding was NOT.

I arrived about a half-hour before the wedding. The place was crowded, but I did not recognize a single person at first. In time I found my nephews Spenser and Shane, who directed me to the upstairs balcony. There was the bride being made ready, the bridesmaids, my sister the editor, and the Bill. My sister was sitting on a couch set up at the top of the stairs, because there were small children running around up there … children who run up and down the stairs, when they are not throwing fruit down them.

In time came the wedding. I sat in a chair whose place was such, that I could not see the bride and groom due to some bald guy standing near them, reading some incomprehensible random nonsense off a piece of paper. Sara tried to replicate the little boy with the ring from Staci's wedding, but there was no miracle this time: The boy was too rambunctious, and the ring had to come from the best man. Oh, and Sara and her new husband almost forgot to kiss.

The reception was worse. Between friends of Sara and friends and family of the groom, there was more than a hundred people in a serpentine line, working their way to the bride and groom. It was so bad that I bolted out the nearest exit and thought about going back to the hotel. But I decided to persevere, going back in, finding my sisters (who wisely stayed out of the line), and waiting for the dinner.

We waited an hour for that dinner, while the reception ended and Sara, groom, bridesmaids and ushers were seated at this long table on the same raised platform where the wedding took place. My sister the editor helped herself to the open bar and was soon, um, happy. [Cue Pharrel Williams.] In time the bride's party was served, which meant we could get up and get our food. The food was really good: Roast beef, roast pork, buttered potatoes, green beans, roll with butter, and — after the bride and groom got theirs — a cupcake.

After that came the bride and groom doing their post-wedding dance, followed by them dancing with various relatives. At this point, the noise and the chaos and the sensory overload was just too much for me. I got up, dodged a child on the floor, and left.


I hate travel. I do not even take trips to Purdue anymore, like I use to, because of Purdue's poor choice of president. This trip, however, was not all that bad, because the hotel room was comfortable. I wish the wedding was better than it was, though. Too much noise. Too much confusion. Madre would not have handled it well, either; however, she is too infirm to make the trip. And I am sure my brother is chewing nails and spitting bullets because of the wedding: He was footing the bill, renting what (I am told) used to be his union hall — that's one impressive union hall. At least he will never have to do it again: He has only the two daughters.

Anyway, the next day I checked out and drove to Warsaw down US 30 so that I could use the Bank's ATM there. I have not been to Warsaw in twelve years. After the Bank fired me, I had no reason to go there. As a result, I could not remember where the Bank was. I parked on one side of downtown Warsaw, and walking all over it looking for the Bank. I found every bank but that Bank. (What the hey is Warsaw doing with so many banks?) I found the Bank in the opposite end of downtown. At least I got some exercise out of it. After that I drove home.